Did I ever mention how retarded Medicaid is? Always jacking up my flow.

Last week I got the notice that my insurance was back on. I went to GYN, everything went fine and dandy. Didn't go to my main physician yet to get my second Gardasil, but I was supposed to have an eye doctor appointment on Wednesday.

They call a day or two before to tell me that Medicaid told -them- they weren't going to pay for appointments until after August 29th.

Are you freaking kidding me? Like seriously? You hassle me for months about going to get my eyes and teeth checked but the moment I do, you're not gonna -pay- them till months later?

I really can't deal with them, like come the hell on. Sometimes I wish I had a full-time job and just paid for GOOD health insurance myself. Or just pay for the stupid appointments out of pocket because these fools can't get their stuff together.

I was going to call them but I'm not even gonna bother frustrating myself with them anymore. God forbid I go blind or something.


Also forgot about Pentecost in the midst of the baby shower and everything else, so my fasting was complete fail for most of the week. When I couldn't do my simple 1-meal-a-day fast for jack, I decided to go a little bit extreme in disciplining myself by going through a mostly liquids only fast for 3 days. It was harder than I thought! But I went through it.

After service I went to my pastor's house for some serious noms, and I made a very lemony lemon cake with raspberry filling. I ended up completely stuffing myself and had this huuuge stomachache and a 12-hour high. NEVER AGAIN LOL


Plans this week? Homework, homework, more homework. I'm cracking down on this Event Planning certification thing, I'm going to get this thing done and over with before the end of June. I did some homework last week that still needs typing, and I also finished reviewing all the chapters on the online curriculum and the end-of-chapter quizzes.

Now I'm just going to kill my social life to finish work, since H.W. was always an issue of mine since middle school and I know if I don't push myself, I'll never get it done. I'm not going outside unless someone's paying for me, or if I gotta leave for my fieldwork/networking homework!

Besides the homework being done, I also don't have money to spend anyways because LOL gotta pay my shopping services and whatnot.
/why I can't have nice things


Upside? Once I got my certification I'll be back in business, I'll be back on the prowl for work, internships, and then to work on the certification to my Event Design course. And yknow, summer fun and bikinis and beach and all that good shit.

So I went from a social fast, to an actual fast. LOL. Now only one meal a day, plus I'm going to start forcing myself only 8 hours of leisure activity (Facebook, pretty much every site except for my online school stuff, video games, etc.) so I can concentrate on prayer, bible study, and the tons of homework that I haven't done yet e_e

I pretty much decided this after talking an awful lot about Christians basically not doing what they're supposed to, being hypocritical, etc. First with my friend from the loli comm, who runs her blog Black Witch on AfroPunk. (Ironic that I can touch and agree with a pagan witch more than I could most of the youth in my church). Then I found out that Janelle Monae (one of my current main inspirations) was spirit filled, and that made her an inspiration to me on a completely different and higher level.

Then, the afternoon service I went to really spoke to me. It was honoring the First Lady of this other church, and Mother Jones (first lady of my home church) spoke about being an vessel of honor. And when that service ended, another pastor friend of mine came to me, at first with his usual joyful and silly attitude, suddenly went serious and asked me how I was doing, and he gave me words of encouragement as well. And after that, I was speaking to my friend on the way home about the church youth, and he was telling me things that were going on that really irritated me. I went off and after a moment or so I told him that I was going to fast this week, push myself to finish what I need to finish with school, and tarry to get the holy ghost, I'm praying for by Easter.

Prepare for ranting below.

So I've been idling around in my house for the past 2 weeks because I'm trying to get all my stuff together for Easter. It really sucks when no one is trying to hire at the moment.. soon I'll be applying for some again though, maybe within the next two weeks. *sigh*

As sad and boring as it sounds, I've been looking at the sun more and more often lately, watching where it lands when it sets in the evening. This is my retarded way or knowing when summer is almost here-- a month ago or so it would be dark by 5pm, but now it's dark by 7ish... and once it gets to the first day of summer, it'll set at 8pmish and I'll be ready. I'll be ready E___________E

Of course with all this free time, you'd think I would get to finishing my homework or making the post for Sakura Matsuri. WRONG. I am so lazy, omg I have so much homework building up... I've always had a problem concentrating on it, but I'm going to crack down on it this weekend so I won't be setting myself back. In the meantime I re-found my h.Naoto shirt above, derp


Anyways, enough of that, some pics from the past while~

My loli friend Tanya and her girlfriend came over to my house one day to film for her thesis (film documentary on lolita culture), and she came over to my house to interview me and look at my things and whatnot. I only have maybe 3 actual lolita magazines, so I whipped out my Ageha collection to make that huge difference LOL






It's not even all of my issues... found 2 other ones missing somewhere. And then that was before I bought Apr 2011 issue. I measured the stack, it's more than a foot long @___@ can't wait to get all the old issues like I wanted to LOL. I wonder if it'll ever be as tall as me... or even half my height, that'd be pretty badass


These are random pictures of myself, playing around bored and dressing up.


I was playing around with eyeshadow, tried to copy this lolgothic makeup thing. Of course it didn't come together since I only used different purple+black eyeshadows and nothing much else, nothing to the eyebrows or anything. At first I thought I looked like some gawf wench that got lost on the way to a Rennfaire, but then Chris and Nancy said that I looked like a black, genderbent Jareth. And now I cannot unsee LOL









blah, was gonna continue on this post but then I remembered that I was gonna make a review on my taobao package that had came in. yosh

I'm finding lately that a lot of people on my friends lists (e.x., Facebook) don't seem to understand the nature behind 'Redemption'. The wrong usage of the word redemption isn't for the world to decide. Your personal decision on whether or not to look past a person's actions is purely your choice. But forgiveness from another =/= redemption.

The world is simply the world. The world targeting -X- person does not make the world a true judge, nor a redeemer.

Personally for me, redemption is a spiritual thing, having understood the nature behind that as well as conviction, repentance and forgiveness. But for some, if not a spiritual thing, it's definitely a sort of inner psychological thing as well. But never for outsiders to decide upon.

One thing I've learned about individuals who torment, is that somewhere inside they themselves are tormented, somehow, in some way. Whether it's by their past, present, physical, psychological or spiritual, they are tormented somehow. In religious/spiritual practices, especially in Christianity, the general idea of the path to enlightenment and redemption is to repent. When you feel conviction in your heart and spirit, you know you've done wrong, and you want to change yourself to keep yourself from straying from the right path. So you confess your sins, repent, and you're forgiven. This process can be done whether you're repenting to God, or you're confessing to and forgiving yourself so that you can move onwards. Mind you, repentance is not a simple saying of "God, I am sorry." Repentance is a continuous process that you must keep on going with. Even if you mess up again, that's not you failing, that's just merely a bump in the road and you can always try, try again and keep going.


Just so I can make sense of my rambling and put it in a certain direction... let's take for example, someone who's on Death Row.

Perhaps they're a serial child rapist & killer (using this example since it's regarded to be one of the most extreme cases). Obviously it's fated by law that they die for their crime-- most if not all people who were affected, or merely heard of this person, would say that this man deserves to die for what he did. It is the law and/or the people's choice to put him to death-- but do we truly have control over what happens from there on? People might go "Let God handle him", but at the same time some people may say that with the expectation that yes, this man would be sent to hell for all he did, end of story. Like there's a ".00000001%" chance that God would say otherwise.

But what if this person, after being isolated for so long due to the extreme social limits in Death Row, finally came to terms with himself? What if, say, he had found God during that last period of his life and changed himself spiritually? So as he goes into the electric chair or what have you, he has been redeemed by God, would the masses be angry if after the rapture they see this dude in Heaven? LOL like "Jehovah, are you sh*tting me? You're just trolling now rite?"


Or an even more popular topic-- Chris Brown.