.Amani

.Amani
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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Reflection Week~ Summer 2011





This past weekend for me was pretty negative in spirit. Anyone who knows the nature of my relationship with my father would know I was in a sour and resentful mood during Father's Day. To top it off, other 'events' happened which made me feel pretty nonchalant about everything.


So yesterday, I decided to go to my old elementary school and see my old teachers that were still there. I decided to dress cute, a nice airy look to go with the feeling of the day.


Eventually I switched the heels to flats because those.. were obv not practical lol.


It was just funny to me how many people were still there. The crossing guard who works at the school have always been there, since as far as I remember (I graduated from 5th grade 10 years ago). The woman I always regarded as "the lunch lady" was still there. It's ridiculous because these ladies weren't even like teacher staff but they knew who I was (I tend to see the crossing guard every so often, but anyone else I haven't really seen since I graduated). My 5th grade teacher Mr. Cooper was now the dean of the school, while my other teachers were still teaching the same grade. (aside from my 1st and 3rd grade-- I couldn't remember my third grade teacher, meanwhile apparently my 1st grade teacher Ms. Anzalone married, had a kid, and became some sort of specialist or something big at a school district in Long Island somewhere).


It's crazy, you'd think that after 10 years or so they wouldn't recognize me, having grown from a snot-nosed kid to the young adult I am. I didn't realize how much I still look the same... but all my teachers remembered! They might've not remembered my name exactly, but when they say my face they were in awe. They were so happy and grateful that I stopped by, "a blast from the past" as my 4th grade teacher Ms. Crockett called me. (though I think what's a bit crazier is that everyone looked exactly the same as I remembered them, after 10 years. Like you think working in an elementary school would sap people of their energy, but everyone looked like they were stuck in time.)

But out of all of them, the two that really made me feel old. Mr. Cooper it was like, lol. Because back when I had him in 5th grade he was one of those little crushes. I don't know-- his attitude, he always had this poise that always had attracted me and so I had a little puppy love crush for him. lol I remember having given him a flower from Omi's garden one time and gave it to him when I was about to leave for some special day trip, and then later on he gave me one back. Back then we had people assigned to take down the chairs in the classrooms (usually 2), but that day he only assigned me and so I went, to find this small flower on my desk. It was really innocent, and it made me feel so good, and honestly I think that was one of the experiences that helped mold what I look for in a man. (I'm pretty sure I still have that flower too, I had pressed and taped it to the cover of one of my old girly diaries)


And then, there was my favorite, my kindergarten teacher Ms. Faye.

She always had this sort of congested sound in her voice (but the cute kind, not the nasty sounding one), and she always had long, straight raven-black hair. I had a special thing for her, and her and Omi and Mom used to talk before I graduated and whatnot. That was pretty much one of Omi's only friends-- she used to walk over there and meet her in the cafeteria and just talk and whatnot, and then sometimes when Omi used to go outside, Ms Faye would come by the house and talk to her. That eventually stopped when Omi's legs and her arthritis got worse and she stopped going outside. When I talked to her I told her that she should come over to the house sometime, so I'm hoping she actually will one day. Omi would love the company.


Though I've only just finished my high school education a year ago (when I was supposed to be class of '08), and decided on doing this Event Planning & Design certification, opposed to getting an actual degree in hospitality or something, my teachers made me feel so good and helped me realized that I had accomplished something with myself. It makes me a bit emotional to think about it. All the self-deprecation I've done to myself over the years because my path so far was different than the average person, that I never look at things in a positive light until lately, makes me feel like I wasted so much of my time. Granted that I probably did, but at the same time I'm glad that I actually got myself together and am continuing on this long-term of breaking down and building myself up.


I am truly grateful for the people that God places in my life. And these feelings only came from elementary school-- I can't wait to visit my old middle school and my high school!


Today marks the first day of summer, and despite the things that happened over the weekend, I'm looking forward to it. My thoughts sort of shifted from that "finish certification first, work later" to a more multi-tasky sort of mindset. I want to be able to finish school, get money, while enjoying my summer and I don't want to end up hating it like I did last year. So I'm planning on starting to teach myself the Design course, while finishing my assignments for the Planning course (10 almost down, 14 more to go), and trying to find a part-time or maybe full-time job.

I've been talking to some friends around the way, and I hope I get what I want out of this summer. lol Not to make it the exact stereotype, but the summer theme is pretty much going to be a typical "GAL SUMMER". Not in me dressing up, or clubbing and whatnot (though I will be doing more of that), but generally keeping that carefree mood throughout the next 3 months and being able to put myself out there and release parts of myself that I''ve been keeping within.

I'll probably put my "Summer Must-Do" list up soon. Hopefully I'll be able to do most of it.

Looking forward to a exciting summer!

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