.Amani

.Amani
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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!


Today (well, yesterday) I turned 22!
And boyyy was my weekend a blast.

Friday I went to a screening party for Awkward Black Girl (if you haven't seen it then you must, it's hilarious) at Studio Twenty One in the city. It was such a good way to start off the weekend, having met Madison T. Shockley III, the actor who plays the character Fred.

The DJ booth

Madison!
Boy, is he so cute irl ; ~; so enamoured. He was really sweet and nice to talk to, very welcoming and well-spoken. I'm glad ABG took the opportunity to make that event.

Ended up getting this cocktail... grapefruit-something with coconut rum. It was okay.

They were supposed to show the first 7 episodes to the series.. but computer/youtube derping ended up changing plans, and there was a Q&A afterwards. Very well-thought questions concerning the way black people are portrayed in mainstream media, and what the future plans were for ABG as far as possibly becoming a network series and stuff. Another girl had him show his skills on the guitar she brought, and performed something he had actually made himself. Of course I had to be the last one asking "A day in the life of Madison", playfully trying to get more casual and seeing what he does other than work lol. Didn't work as well as I thought. But at least I didn't ask 'boxers or briefs" though I'm sure he probably expected it from someone at some point xD I have video of most of the Q&A, maybe I'll put them into a video on youtube or something.

Him and another ABG fan

Me and him ; ~;


As soon as the Q&A was over I left after talking to him for a bit, because I had my Xbox harddrive on me and I wanted to play some games at 8Bit & Up... which I ended up doing till 1 in the morning. At least I finally beat Catherine?




Saturday I ended up meeting with a bunch of close loli friends, and after trekking for a while from Union Sq to Big Gay, we finally went to the bar place of my dreams, Dove Parlor.


The place was so gorgeous. A romantic setting with nice, soft seating and gorgeous velvet-y walls... I seriously did not want to leave. It's like a romantic tea place, except instead of tea you have cocktails and wine with the food.




The thing I loved about this place is that the servings were made for multiple people. We went for a cheese platter and a tea sandwich platter, both were ridiculously good. I've never really had an interest in cheeses too much, but after this time I'd definitely would do cheese tasting one day.

The cheese platter, and everyone telling me to go die for not taking the picture clearly (and making them wait xD)

Clear photo~


I only have a photo of the cheese platter, but everything on it was so delicious. We ended up getting Brie, Mt. Vikos Manouri, Cabra Romero, and Sartori Stravecchio. Fresh breads, olives, marcona almonds, Kadota figs, sliced fuji apples, apricots and fruit preserves went along with it.

Everything was ridiculously good. I cannot stress it enough.

The cocktails were pricey, but they were well worth it. Each one (most of us got different ones and tried each other's) were well mixed, with a good amount of alcohol in them. We all agreed that we much rather pay 11 for a glass of their cocktails, rather than other places that are just as pricey (7-9) whose cocktails basically tasted like juice and sprite. And everything was strong enough to get even the heavy drinkers drunk after 2 cocktails xD



Laura's French Lavender and her bf's Green Fairy


Chris's French Lavender and Nancy's Cherry Tart.. which tasted like a pop tart, xD




I ended up having their "Spiced Peach Cobbler"... which, like all my friends said, tasted like 'the South'. I took a while to take the first sip because when I had the drink close to me, I smelled the sweetness of the cinnamon that was floating on top. Mmmmm.

I also ended up having a Honey Dove later, which was good too. From then on out we ate, chilled, talked, and acted stupid (a.k.a. Nancy falling over Chris and I, trying to get some dollars bills I had sticking out my boob). Surprisingly we weren't disruptive, no one noticed lol


My friend Christine also made a birthday cheesecake for me ;_____; IT WAS TIE-DYE with pink and purple and a chocolate cake crust, and it shimmered from disco dust on it. It was so damn good and everyone loved it.

Once we did finally leave the place, we went to Laura's boyfriend's house and chilled there watching My Little Pony videos. I can never get into the fandom xD lol

A bit of camwhoring once I got home. I wanted to dress nice but comfortable, so liquid leggings + top/onepiece with my black ankle boots and gold accessories.




Then today, I woke up -in time- for morning service at church and went to church for the whole day, where I finally took the 'Right Hand of Fellowship', officially joining the church as a member. Apparently I should've told them it was my birthday too so they can sing and celebrate, but I was done with celebrating by then lol. It was nice to get all the well wishes I did, especially all the ones I gotten on my Facebook page. I was cracking up because of the silly crap that some people were calling me... "frilly niglet" "milk choklit", etc... I love my friends.

Later on, I made a video to myself...

I basically congratulated myself on turning 22, and I talked about things in the past and how my life's changed. I noted the things I wanted to get done during this year, the travelling goals and the developments I wanted to make in myself, and then I spoke a prayer to myself. Now it's on my computer, and when it's my 23rd birthday next year, I'll go back to that and watch it and see how much of a change I've done.

I was always interested in making a little 'capsule' for myself, making letters to encourage me in the future and etc., but we never really did things like that in my school so I never really thought of it. I'll probably also make a letter to myself and hide it in my room until next year as well.


I am so thankful and I praise God for giving me these 22 years, and I have so many goals for the year and I'm glad I actually have a goal-fulfilling mindset. I can't wait to see what the next year has in store for me.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
My father IMed me the other morning. It caught me by surprise and it kind of left me in a sour mood for the rest of the day. Along with unnecessary drama bullcrap between real life friends, I eventually fell off the consecration as far as prayer. Still fasting though, but now I need to catch up with bible study and prayer.



"Amber,
I know you hate me, but I love you... And I miss you. I hope life is good to you.
Love Dad."


It's weird how life choices end up effecting you down the line. When I stopped talking to him, it was all my decision after a huge exchange of messages where he insulted me and my mother, and made threats over something as stupid as my choice to not follow his faith. I was 16 back then, and I obviously knew what I was and wasn't interested in at that point, but he tried to shove it down my throat and I cut him off for it.

Back then I didn't care. It was a liberating feeling, to have the last say when it came to my freedom, especially against him, considering his past acts of abuse and misogyny towards my mother and my stepmother. I disliked him so much that I thought I hated him.

But having matured after all this time, even though I'm only a few days off from 22, I see what people meant when they said 'hate' was a strong word. A lot of the time I thought about what 'Love' was, and eventually came to the conclusion that love is a universal thing-- and that there are pure forms of love, and there are tainted. Every so often when I get an e-mail or something from him going "I love you and I miss you", I can't say 'he doesn't love me', or 'he doesn't know what love really is' because of what he's done to me and others in the past and present. I just feel that he doesn't know how to love in the right way, that whatever is wrong with him in his heart and spirit makes him act the way he does, thinking it's right.

It's just ironic. Back then, never did I think that I would willingly go back to the Christian faith (albeit it's much different now-- raised as a Jehovah's Witness/agnostic and now I'm Apostolic Pentecostal). Like, seriously delve into it and eventually get the Holy Ghost and be where I am now spiritually. I also used imagined that the pain from the trauma would eventually die, that any feeling that I had for him would just die, that I'd be perfectly fine within a few years.

Instead now I think about him, pray for him, and think negative thoughts like "how would I feel if he passed before we ever reconciled?", and if there was ever a time we'd meet face to face, would it actually be peaceful? Would he be grateful that I'd given him another chance? Or would he try to criticize my life decisions instead, and once again try to push "his" version of the Truth on me? Despite all this time, I know he's still the same-- when my mom joined Facebook he was quick to message her and harass her. My sister tells me things about the household. To top it off, I see him interact with relatives the same way, religious fanaticism and all. Whenever I see it, I wonder if I can ever have the peace I desire, but I know God has His ways.


Once the consecration is over, the church will immediately be getting into it's women's conference weekend. I've been assigned to do a skit with other sisters the first Friday of February on things that would keep people from coming to God. I keep thinking of my own personal experience with the family drama and how it kept me from where I needed to be... I know it would be a powerful testimony but it's still a wound that hasn't quite healed.
Thursday, January 19, 2012

First(?) shopping of 2012~



Having got my last paycheck last week, I've been splurging here and there, while trying to save the rest for my birthday next weekend xD

I couldn't resist Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale though!

You know how I love Bombshell, and how I fapped over Bombshell Seduction, welpppp the store in South Street Seaport (I don't know if the other stores were doing the same) were having this ridiculous sale, 75% off on a BUTTLOAD of their fragrance/makeup stuff, mostly their pink kabuki brushes, Beauty Rush lipglosses, etc and Secret Garden stuff~ but there was ALSO lotions and mists of some of their signature lines, e.x. Heavenly, and to my surprise SEDUCTION (kinda sorta, at the same time kinda not. It was a limited run anyways).

It was 5 dollars. 5 dollars for the lotion. I had to control myself before I brought like, 3 of them!

Alllll mine mwahahahahahaha!

Now that my Seduction set is complete, I am a very satisfied girl

I also ended up buying a jackton of Secret Garden stuff, but those were pretty much for my church friends for their birthdays. The mists and stuff were 3 dollars each, my god


Also decided to get these two Beauty Rush lipstuff since they were 1.75 each!
Double Truffle again

"Pink Shake" lipstick... it's actually really moist for a lipstick, as in it doesn't really stick to my lips that well. It feels like it's almost like gloss as a stick or something, it's pretty weird. I like it regardless, because it actually makes a pretty nice nude lip, but I definitely need a primer or something, or a lipstain, or maybe a layer of foundation or concealer underneath before I apply this, because it's pretty quick to transfer itself elsewhere. (Tastes good though)



Also saw this in the bin, don't know if it was just regular price or what, but since I desperately needed a new wallet I got it anyways~ It's soooo cute. I love the color and the leopard print and gah * w* so happy


Goodbye old Swimmer wallet, I knew ye well...



Also, when I got my last paycheck I also had to splurge a bit -more- and buy some more jewelry from my job.

I love the design, but I hate the stuff... I'm glad I'm not working there anymore, so I don't have to lie about things being 'hypo-allergic' when they really weren't, etc. I've tried coating everything so we'll see how that goes..

My favorites, though?

I was always looking at this ring, since forever. My God. I really like the design, maybe one day I can find something similar in real white gold so I don't have to worry about it ever tarnishing and stuff like that.

And then these~ omggggg

I used to stare at these. EVERY DAY I worked. They're beautiful. There was also another pair that was like a dark crystal, so it shone like purple/blue/blackish like, it was so gorge. But also like 29 dollar a pair which is expensive, even after the employee discount. The store was having a Buy 2 get One free so I decided to take the risk to save even more lol

The prism effect is so... no words. I love it. I can't wait to wear them!

Hopefully that'll be it until my birthday xD


edit: I take that back. Succumbed to the VS online sale. a bikini bottom plus seamless and cotton panties galore ; ^;
Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Happy (late) MLK day.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Tried to record a review for the EOS Crystal Diamond green lenses, and then camwhored a bit afterwards. xD

Unfortunately I looked back at the clips and I wasn't satisfied at all :/ I hate when you go out the way getting prepped and then the video comes out like crap. It's sucks because it's mainly the lighting that's messed it up. That and my camera's focus is out of whack because the lens is scratched :c meh, another day I guess




Tuesday, January 10, 2012

~2012~


So for the past 10 days I've been trying to think to myself, "What am I going to do with myself this year? Is there anything you'd really change? Any goals (small or big) to accomplish?" My job ended after New Years, which means I'm back on the hunt again. My birthday is in another 19 days, and I'm definitely excited for that.

People might think "once you're 21, that's it". After that any other 'important' sounding birthdays would be the decade/milestone birthdays, 30, 40, etc.

But! I've been excited for my 22nd since before Christmas, and once New Years rang in I've been looking forward to it even more.

But... what about after that? After my birthday, what then? What's in store for me for the rest of 2012?


I don't want to call these resolutions for 2012, because there's a very good chance that I'll become lazy enough to just not do them xD But I want to at least try and push myself for a period.


1) The Event Planning/Design certification that I was supposed to have been doing since last year. I actually have until the beginning of March to get this done! I can't believe I haven't finished not one course yet-- so for the next two months I'll be on my own ass about finishing these. One of them I'm almost done with, the other I'm almost halfway done-- it'd be a shame to not finish them, especially when my mom went out her way to pay for them. Hopefully once I'm done with them I can get an internship.

2) Weight-Loss and toning. If you know me, you know that this is something I never really cared about. For years I've been over 130 pounds, and only this past holiday season did I actually be considered 'overweight'. I never look at weight versus medical exams and unwanted fat, because I know that if I'm not heavy from fat, I'm heavy from muscle.

So basically what I'm planning to do this year is get back into yoga, start going once a week again, and then try to push to twice a week. It's hard when my usual yogi buddies are either working or in school, but I'm gonna make it a habit myself. I'm also going to look into things that'll help me build strength in my bad knee, so that hopefully it'll have little chance of jacking itself up again.

The main area I always complain about is my gut, and that's basically it. Don't care about my legs, or my arms, or nothing like that xD It's just my gut that needs to go. I've also developed a bit of fat under my chin, not too much, but regardless it needs to go lol. I'm going to start experimenting with Colonic procedures, or trying to clean my colon, to see if factors like that is what makes me retain water and fat. Hopefully that, plus the working out will make my gut shrink. I'm also going to get firming lotions and things like that so I can have minimal speck once it goes. So when that bikini season comes around... ;U

Another thing I'm gonna try to do is get myself a new bike, and make an effort to bike ride this spring and summer. I used to love bike riding and in-line skating when I was younger, but eventually I fell out of it. So I want to try and get back into it and try and make it another regular workout regime!

3) Cosplay. I've been procrastinating on this for so long but I swear I'm gonna push myself this year for Otakon and NYCC. I stopped the Fran one because of my job at the time, plus I had started gaining weight but it will be the first one to get done. It's gonna take a lot of work, especially when I'm trying to lose weight, so I have to constantly watch myself and make sure I stay a certain measurement for it.

But the line-up that I'm gonna try and do this year (no specific order or for any specific con) is..
-Fran (FFXII)
-Trisha (Catherine)
-a 'modern', casual take on the Assassin uniform (Assassin's Creed)
-Lana Kane (Archer)
-Tiana (Princess and the Frog)

4) Glamour. I want to do photoshoots this year! As vain as it is, I always wanted to do it, whether for cosplay or lolita, casual, lifestyle, beach, whatever. I just wanted to. So I plan to hopefully do it, with the help of my photography major friends or something. It's gonna happen. Somehow xD

5) Prayer. My faith is becoming more and more of a priority in my life and this is definitely the biggest and most important thing I need to work on in my life. For those who know how strong the power of prayer actually is, can understand me on this. Prayer, though I've prayed and things have happened as confirmation, was never something I could make myself do on a daily basis, let alone a regular basis. So this year I'm going to be pushing myself to be more open spiritually and become more sensitive and have a better connection and relationship to my God. Not only to receive the healing and miracles but to be able to become a better person and bless people who come into my life.

This month there's a consecration period at the church I currently go to, a 31 day one-meal-daily fast, daily prayer, group prayer, and reading the book of Joshua. I'm already like, 10 days behind on the fasting but xD I'll try and hop into it as fast as I can without overwhelming myself.

6) Travel. Even though my job and everything is over, I'm still trying to make the effort to travel by the end of this year. I cannot leave 2012 without going on an expedition on my own. I'm planning to go in November, either to Tokyo, or to Rio de Janeiro. It's always mainly because of friends that I have there, the culture, and shopping of course. Brazil is more for culture and friends, and much more exploring than I'd probably do in Japan. Japan is obviously somewhere I wanted to go to since my weeb days, but now it's more for friends and shopping than actual culture. I want to go to either one of these places or both, but I'm gonna make it work. Even if it means me becoming a hermit for 2 months just to afford the plane ticket! I'll do it xD But hopefully I'll land another job by the spring so I won't have to worry about cutting myself off again. I'm praying that this will happen, and that it'll prove to be the life-changing experience that I want it to be. And if I go to Japan, then chances are that I'm gonna make an effort to make a pit-stop in L.A. to visit friends and gals and people I've been waiting to meet.

In the meantime I also want to travel, closer to home. Hopefully I'll be able to visit and stay with my cousin up in Connecticut, try and travel out to Long Island more (mainly for the harvest seasons and the beaches), maybe to Philly one day, and obviously back to Baltimore for Otakon in the summer. I'll probably try and plan for a DisneyWorld trip for my birthday in 2013, since I haven't gone since I was like 14 :3

6) Concerts. I plan to try and attend at least one concert of every one of my absolute favorite artists this year, or at least meet them in some way. I want to say that "I've done it!" and for certain people, have an emotionally fulfilling experience. The least I want to see this year is Chris Brown, Trey Songz, especially Janelle Monae as always, gospel singers like Donald Lawrence and Israel Houghton (I'd say Hezikiah Walker but I think he's easier, he's from NY plus he used to be an elder at my church), and then I MUSTMUSTMUST as a faithful nerd go see the Legend of Zelda Symphony of the Goddesses and Final Fantasy Distant Worlds tour.



Materialistically, I want so many things, but I'm trying to make those things secondary once my birthday's passed, so I can work on the things I really want to get together (above).
-redesigning my room
-expanding my wardrobe
-expanding makeup & style
-finding a solid career choice/job spot

It's strange to see 'job' as a minor thing.. but it is in my life. Since I was younger I was always more of the "I'd rather be poor and content" than "I'd rather be rich with a job I hate" and even though I realize the importance of money in my life, being an adult now, it's still a minor thing compared to things I feel that will fulfill my life and give me an experience I can savor for the rest of my days.

And that's pretty much it. From now till the end of the month I'll be saving up for a hopefully wonderful birthday weekend with my close friends, and starting to get back into business.

Wish me luck. ♥♥♥
Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The end of 2011..





I spent the last days of the year with my good friends in between work.




Beginning of the month we went to The Irish Exit for Yanise's birthday. Pretty much all the girls on top of the bar. LOL I was up there in the beginning, but as I got more and more drunk I refused. I knew I'd be the one to fall off that thing.

Laura and Nikki


~~~~~~

Taking pics/video in the purikura booth. Sadly the puri shop is closing down :c a new one is supposed to open closer to my home, in Brooklyn... no clue when and where exactly though






Some of the finished results:




Then after, Rose House :3


Chicken sammiches, with a small salad side.

Rose custard?

Rose cake

My 3-tier tea meal that I split with Susan. bologna + green pepper wraps, ham sammiches, more rose custard, scone with rose jam, cream puff, black&white cookie, cheesecake, coffee ice cream and some sort of flourless cake/mousse cake? I forget how it tasted. It was some sort of citrus maybe

Will probably be my last visit to Rose House. Had a lot of good times at that teahouse, but with rising prices and increasingly-less-than-satisfactory customer service and quality, I think I'm pretty much done with them. I'll stay closer in the city from now on



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Another day after work and Christmas shopping, I went with my boos Laura and Yanise to see Japanese group Trippple Nippple in a barplace down on the LES.


Yuka. I have the best shots of her in the costuming in the beginning.


I only remember Trippple Nippple on Tokyo Rising, a documentary with Pharrell Williams and his trip to Japan after the earthquake happened. I never really listened to their music until that night. It was pretty chaotic-crazy sounding, but cool in it's own unique way. Especially the way they dress up and perform.

After the concert, Qrea and Laura


And then Yanise and Laura with Yuka.


~~~~~~~


Then one day after picking up my paycheck the week before Christmas... I decided to walk the Brooklyn Bridge by myself.


Rarely am I able to just wander and wonder anymore... I try to take slower steps, and have more thoughts, but with work and everything else, I can't do it as much as I want to anymore. It's pretty depressing.

It was a good night that night though, to see the city lights and see the groups of people cuddling, or viewing the sites and enjoying themselves.

My beautiful city.






Best dessert I've had this year: Nutella eclair from Financier. It seemed to melt in my mouth omg.


~~~~~~~~


Then after Christmas, I met up with my boo Jesika from Florida <3 ended up buying lashes, going for Korean BBQ at Koreana, and then going for purikura.



You can see most of our shots on her blog lol. Disliked most of them, wish I wore my regular bra than my push-up make-my-Ds-look-like-Es bra LOL oh well

I loooooov u Jesika ; w; come back soon bby



Purikura... tea... drinking... concert... wandering... reflecting... I wouldn't have 2011 end any other way.

Actually, getting the Holy Ghost was the best ending to 2011 for me :3 I literally got it the morning of New Year's Eve. The joy I felt as I entered into the new year, with a clean slate and no more negative thoughts... as time goes on this month I'll discuss it more.

I hope everyone has had a good 2012 so far. I hope you remembered to leave the past behind, and all the drama and the stress and the tears, so that you can use this year to completely turn around into the most progressive time of your life so far.


Here's to hoping for an extraordinary year!

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