So lately I've been sort of 'switching' churches, so to speak. The church I usually went to, was Beulah, and while I love some of the people there, the longer I've stayed the more I became overwhelmed by the size of the congregation, as well as the usual church blahz (like I've ranted before in earlier posts). While there were a couple of people I could go to for mentoring, the general air I've felt with certain groups that I was always around made me uncomfortable and reluctant to reach out for help.

At some point in time I knew that I couldn't just let the b.s. help me lose faith, so I decided that I was going to migrate a bit, to one of the daughter churches. Pastor M and Lady M, I feel that they're one of the sincerest people I've met. They share a long story of love together, and the issues they've overcame so far in their lives motivates me to be a better person. So for the past month I've been going to their church more often. Their congregation is much smaller than big Beulah, but it's also more intimate and to me a more positive environment.

Anyways, this past Sunday was the culmination of Pastor M''s 26th pastoral anniversary and I went to the service after business with my sister at her house. What I love about these culminations and the tribute services are mainly the stories and the words of encouragement that is often shared (there was a tribute service for Lady M last Sunday-- and there was a service for their children on maybe the 2nd Friday of May?) That night was particularly emotional for me because of the things being said and this one elder (he's actually pretty young) breaking down when he spoke about him, telling his story about not having a father in his life and how he wished Horace was his biological father.

I was feeling conflicted in my spirit at the same time too, but the word that was spoken that night really hit home for me, because the question that was brought up was "how is your worship life?" and that was also another subject that I was always sort of struggling with. When it came to altar call I just started crying when I was praying and being prayed for... but then as time went on, I was crying for no reason LOL it was kind of funny but yeah.


After the service ended I spoke to Lady M and I told her how I felt regarding my faith for God and how I felt that my wanting the Holy Ghost was more out of fear than out of real understanding and wanting. The thing I love most about Lady M is that she has this tendency to just know before I could explain everything and it helps me because half the time I feel like I'm rambling with no direction. But she talked to me about it, and she also explained my 'emptiness' feeling and me crying for no reason and stuff. Long story short, nothing that would make sense unless you believe in the Holy Ghost and then mental/emotional barriers and stuff xD




rawr so on Memorial Day, the church people had a picnic/cookout out in Valley Stream state park IN L.I. . It was pretty nice. I spent the first half of the time doing homework for school, the other half just idling around. Two hours or so later I was ready to leave LOL


Some picsss