It's been a minute, I've slowed down a lot because so much has been going on, especially with work, that I haven't updated my blog since the beginning of the month. I'll backtrack later with what's been going on, but right now I'm too frustrated with thought to think of anything else.

I'm currently sick with a fever, have been for the past 3 days and I've been working despite of that. Today's my day off so I'm just trying to rest up.

Even though I'm sick, I like to try and make myself feel better. I try to be active in -some- way, because I know that if I don't all make waste of the 24 hours that I have. I try to plan things, talk to people, look towards something to make me feel good.

But then you have those days or those moments where emotions just start crashing down on you and you can't help but feel like shit. And anything can really end that, this time for me just an un-amusing, abrupt end to a conversation.


I like my job, I really do, I'm glad that I'm doing this school stuff even though it's not like a real degree or anything, I love the friends that I truly value in my life. I thank God that I am where I am now rather than being elsewhere.

But right now I'm at one of those moments where I want to escape, and feel like I'm able to breathe for once.

Away from trivial dying teenager age, away from not-yet-approaching adult responsibilities.

even away from my own dreams and ambitions just so I can have a moment to myself to just breathe.

to just breathe.



Traveling is something I've always wanted to do, sometimes I think of just getting up and leaving without a word, no matter how sick and worried family or friends would be.

I want to wander and get lost in a forest.

I want to explore a metropolis that's completely foreign to me.

To sit near a waterfall. Lie in a green farm pasture. Stand by an ocean.


Watching blogs, reading posts from other people's travels is like me struggling with a stubborn tooth. For example, David Tutera and Glamorous Sky and From Moon to Moon. Even Mei has been randomly disappearing with family to Georgia for weeks at a time for the past while. My imagination just skyrockets at any chance it gets, whether or not I really want to think about things and it just kills me inside.


Something keeps on calling me to Germany.

I want to go.

I feel like my bones wants to rip out of my skin and just go without any extra thought.





Or maybe it's just the fever.