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Tuesday, September 20, 2011


It's been a minute, I've slowed down a lot because so much has been going on, especially with work, that I haven't updated my blog since the beginning of the month. I'll backtrack later with what's been going on, but right now I'm too frustrated with thought to think of anything else.

I'm currently sick with a fever, have been for the past 3 days and I've been working despite of that. Today's my day off so I'm just trying to rest up.

Even though I'm sick, I like to try and make myself feel better. I try to be active in -some- way, because I know that if I don't all make waste of the 24 hours that I have. I try to plan things, talk to people, look towards something to make me feel good.

But then you have those days or those moments where emotions just start crashing down on you and you can't help but feel like shit. And anything can really end that, this time for me just an un-amusing, abrupt end to a conversation.

I like my job, I really do, I'm glad that I'm doing this school stuff even though it's not like a real degree or anything, I love the friends that I truly value in my life. I thank God that I am where I am now rather than being elsewhere.

But right now I'm at one of those moments where I want to escape, and feel like I'm able to breathe for once.

Away from trivial dying teenager age, away from not-yet-approaching adult responsibilities.

even away from my own dreams and ambitions just so I can have a moment to myself to just breathe.

to just breathe.

Traveling is something I've always wanted to do, sometimes I think of just getting up and leaving without a word, no matter how sick and worried family or friends would be.

I want to wander and get lost in a forest.

I want to explore a metropolis that's completely foreign to me.

To sit near a waterfall. Lie in a green farm pasture. Stand by an ocean.

Watching blogs, reading posts from other people's travels is like me struggling with a stubborn tooth. For example, David Tutera and Glamorous Sky and From Moon to Moon. Even Mei has been randomly disappearing with family to Georgia for weeks at a time for the past while. My imagination just skyrockets at any chance it gets, whether or not I really want to think about things and it just kills me inside.

Something keeps on calling me to Germany.

I want to go.

I feel like my bones wants to rip out of my skin and just go without any extra thought.

Or maybe it's just the fever.


Amani said...

Aw, sorry to hear that you're feeling under the weather, feel better ♥
And I can empathize all too well with your desires to travel. It's important for people our age to travel and see the world, because we'll never grow if we're always exposed to the exact same stuff everyday.

Gotta get out of your comfort zone, y'know? Maybe start a savings account just for traveling, like a little $ each paycheck~

Amani said...

Yeah, definitely been planning to. I was going to save up for Japan next November so Shiena and Ashley and my other friend Kei can stop harassing me~ I just have so much going on, I'll probably at least be able to pay for my passport before the end of this year, and then for the rest of next year I'm gonna be mosly saving for travel and shopping expenses and stuff.

Germany... as much as I'd love to go, I have NO clue where to even begin. I guess my main reason for going to Germany is not for the sights as much as it is to see if I still have family over there. My grandmother hasn't been over there in decades and as far as I know, no one from over there has ever really kept in contact with her so I wouldn't know where to start. I always thought of lol getting a private investigator or something to help but I don't know how much they try to charge >w> and besides that I wouldn't want to go to Germany alone..

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